I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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