so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
