if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
