I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
