I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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