I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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