I wanna bring you to show and tell
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
