no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
