well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.