I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize