im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
His hands were made for my vagina.
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There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
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By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.