What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
