let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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