i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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