Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
