twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
