If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
