Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I look better un-naked...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
