have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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