Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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