Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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