i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
