Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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