I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
being pregnant is like rehab
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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