Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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