then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Bring me that man meat
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
