fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
