I cannot find my penis.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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