Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
