ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
My ass is underappreciated
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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