she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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