In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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