he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
The best revenge is premature balding
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
