I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
