What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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