a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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