i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
