Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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