i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
