ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
