I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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