WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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