Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Last time i carry you out of a forest
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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