I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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