okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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