He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
