Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
