He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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