I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
