I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
