We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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