Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The air was thick with penises
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
