And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
it hurts more in the daytime
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
