My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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