just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
