my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
