so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
