Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
