I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
