I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
