no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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