Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
