You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
