when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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