What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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