I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The power of my boobs compel you
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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