A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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