If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I smell like Dick and happiness
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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