Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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