I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
