woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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