that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
