It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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